Review: Sherlock Holmes

Five young women have been murdered (rather, sacrificed), and Scotland Yard has reason to believe a sixth will soon join the list. But for what purpose? And who’s behind these demonic crimes? More importantly, who has the astonishing deductive reasoning, wonderfully quick wit, and straight-up awesome ninja skills to defeat this occult-minded culprit? Why, it’s elementary, my dear Watson…

Negative Elements: The biggest issue people may have with this mind-boggling film is the plot’s revolution around the occult. But as one might expect, all seemingly magical occurrences are proven by the film’s protagonist to be nothing but clever science and manipulation. The movie is overflowing with realistic violence, from characters being shocked repeatedly with a makeshift cattle prod to being beaten with multiple nightsticks at once. Twice does the movie show short bouts in slow-motion as Holmes mentally walks through each methodical step of the encounter, then shows it again in real-time as he carries out his battle plan. A girl’s bare back is seen for a moment, and many of the women’s clothes show cleavage.

Positive Elements: Holmes and Watson are as close as brothers, constantly saving each others’ lives, as well as helping one another when they need it. *Spoiler Alert* While Watson’s upcoming marriage causes tension between he and his partner, Holmes eventually learns to respect Watson’s choice to finally move out.

Conclusion: I can’t say many of the things I want to without giving away a great deal of this remarkable film’s intriguing plot, so I’ll just finish up by saying Sherlock Holmes has some of everything: drama, romance, thrilling action, and an engaging mystery worthy of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle himself. This movie is a wonderful time for anyone old enough to understand it.

Review: Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

Flint Lockwood has always wanted to become a famous inventor. Problem is, his inventions don’t exactly… you know… work. His spray-on shoes don’t come off, his remote-controlled TV can’t be controlled, and his “ratbirds” are self-explanatory. And to make matters worse, Flint’s constant failures make him the most unpopular guy in town. And to make matters even worse, the entire island Flint resides on has nothing to eat but sardines! Hoping to turn things around, Flint stumbles upon his wackiest idea yet: a machine to turn water into food. But when Flint turns it on, the whole thing quite literally sky-rockets, destroying half the town in the process. Looks like Flint’s screwed up again… Wait… A pickle just fell from the sky… And a slice of cheese?… The whole town lifts their eyes to the heavens… IT’S RAINING CHEESEBURGERS!!!

Negative Elements: Flint quickly develops a somewhat obsessive crush on Sam Sparks, an attractive young weather reporter from New York, and lies to impress her. The evil miniature mayor’s waistline isn’t the only thing that grows as the small town’s popularity quickly increases; he bigger he gets, the more sinister and downright nasty he gets. Flint ignores his father’s and Sam’s advice to shut down the food-making machine before things go horribly wrong, all for the sake of being liked by everybody else. The entire film is overflowing with the same humorous, cartoon-y violence you’d see in an episode of Tom and Jerry. One character has a nasty habit of stripping down to a diaper. Steve, Flint’s monkey sidekick, plays in the freshly-fallen blanket of ice cream with a pile of brown spheres we learn are not ice cream.

Positive Elements: Even though he doesn’t know how to express it, Flint’s father loves his son, and is very proud of him. Flint decides to grant a request from Earl, the hardcore policeman who is typically very mean to Flint. Earl loves his son very much, and is quick to treat him in such a manner, even going so far as to risk his life to save him. Flint points out to Sam that she shouldn’t try to hide the nerdy side of her personality, as it is an important part of who she is. Flint, Sam, and several others are willing to sacrifice themselves to save the world from Flint’s machine-gone-wrong.

Conclusion: I walked into the theater expecting to see an immature animated film for toddlers. My expectations were blown away by hilarious jokes, excellent morals, and perfectly-cast voice-acting (Mr. T plays the policeman. ‘Nuff said.). Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs isn’t a kid’s movie; it’s a near-perfect family movie.

Review: 9

9 is advertised as being “not your little brother’s animated movie”. I guess that depends on how old your little brother is.

In the not-too-distant future, a scientist invents a robotic brain, which the military is quick to commandeer. The robot instantly starts inventing Matrix-reminiscent war machines, which turn on humanity, killing every organic lifeform in sight. To fix the mess he’s made, the apologetic scientist then finds a way to transfer the nine different aspects of his soul into his custom-made 6-inch-tall robots. Numbered 1-9, each robot has a different part of the scientist’s personality; for example, 2 is a kind inventor with a trademark lamp/hard-hat, 7, the only ”female” robot, is a brave, lightning-quick warrior, and 9, the titular character, is a sympathetic everyman with a bit of the other eight robots’ specialties in him.

Negative Elements:1, the self-proclaimed leader of the others, is a selfish dictator who mistakes cowardice for wisdom. 8, the large, mindless brute of the bunch, enjoys holding a magnet above his head, sending him into an almost drug-induced-like stupor. The evil robotic brain is treated as a sort of technological god, both by man and machine; a mechanical minion bows as it presents a dead body to the brain, and a newscaster claims the brain creates war machines “in its own image”. All of the film’s action consists of frightening animal-like robots, from a beast manufactured from the skeleton of a cat to a mechanical cobra that wraps its victims in thread like a spider. *Spoiler Alert* Also, several characters souls are extracted by the robotic brain.

Positive Elements: All of the nine robots work together, protecting and saving each other. 9 is especially quick to do his best to help his comrades in any way possible. There’s no blood to be seen throughout the entire movie.

Conclusion: While overall a somewhat strange movie, 9 is a very exciting adventure through a unique look at a post-apocalyptic earth. The movie ends with 9 saying, “The world is ours now. It’s what we make of it.” This timely message is a satisfying wrap-up, compelling viewers to consider what they’re making of the world, and whether or not the could be doing a better job of it. It may not be for little kids, but 9 most likely won’t disappoint audiences.

E.A.

Aaaaawwww Yeah

That was the most fun weekend I’ve had in a very long time. On Friday, I got to play hookie from Eng. 101 to go to the Smithsonian, specifically the Natural History Museum. After a few hours of wandering the brilliant halls, my family and I drove to the Andersons’ house, about thirty minutes from the Smithsonian. The next day, both we and the Andersons visited the National History Museum. After that, we split up, the majority of us going to the Art Museum while the rest went to the Air & Space Museum. The next day, we went to church, where I met several friends of Arden’s, specifically Ashley, my “#1 fan”! Afterwards, we ate lunch at Mama Roma, a wonderful little Italian place that served the best Cicilian pizza I’ve ever had. That evening, we all attended a great concert of the Naval Academy Orchestra. When it ended and we went back to the Andersons’ and I stepped into the restroom, but when I stepped out, 38 other people were in the house! The Andersons had invited all these people to a party, and the house was packed! I ended up spending most of my time with Ashley and Halley (another friend of Arden’s; I hope I didn’t spell her name wrong) drawing on the chalkboard! Ashley and her sister Mellisa stayed the night, and everyone took their sweet time getting up in the morning; it was time to head home. I really, really hope we go back soon!

E.A.

AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

I scream for several reasons. And yes, one of them is ice cream, but that’s beside the point. I scream because…

1. I’m going to high school in two days!
2. It’s my senior year, and I’m only 16!
3. I’ve never been to public school before!
4. I don’t know if anyone else I know is taking the same class as me!
5. Why am I so short?!
6. I’m not even entirely sure when my class is!
6 1/2. How did untalented rappers such as T.I. and Lil’ Wayne become so popular?!
7. Ice Cream!!!
8. When will I get my braces off?!

So now you see why I scream. Perhaps… nay, surely you scream, as well.

E.A.

Been A While…

Yeah, I haven’t posted since Arden dropped by, but neither has she! I beat her to it! HA!!! But the reason I haven’t posted in so long is I haven’t found any significant thing to post about. Sooooooo… I decided to throw all the more insignificant stuff into one post! Here goes…

Yesterday, I bought Wii Sports Resort! It’s awesome; the swordplay games are alone enough reason to get it! A couple weeks ago, I finally got a Facebook!  And last but lightyears away from least, check this out…

E.A.

Simultaneous Post

Today, all the Andersons are at my house, jumping on the trampoline, hogging the computer, and throwing Star Wars action figures all over the floor. Amidst the madness, however, Arden and I decided to write a post at the same time! Arden is complaining about me twisting her wrist, but I’m sure she still loves me; who doesn’t? You know, I didn’t think this through very well… What on earth am I supposed to post about? Hehe, “supposed to post”; betchya can’t say that five times fast! Arden just said, “I betchya my post is funnier!” She’s probably right, but that won’t keep me from trying to make this one funny.

Arden came over yesterday, too, and we watched America’s Got Talent! There was an extremely cute little girl named Elisha who sang and played piano at the same time (which is better than I can do), even though she admitted she’s not the best singer. She was so hilarious and adorable that the judges couldn’t help but say yes! I really hope Elisha wins the entire contest and becomes a celebrity; she’s the next Shirley Temple!

Arden thinks we’re sick of her, but I’m not. Not yet, at least. We’ll give it another ten minutes, then we’ll see how I feel. Hehe, Arden’s baby sister, Faith, is babbling and randomly shrieking as she’s climbing the stairs! It makes me wish I had a baby sister. Well, Arden’s waiting for me to finish writing so that we can both post at the same time, so I think I’ll stop writing and count down the posting time…

E.A.

NEW TRAMPOLINE!!!

That’s right, folks, we finally got a new trampoline. Well, not new new, just… er, refurbished… okay, it’s got a couple eensy, weensy, teeny, tiny holes in it, no bigger than flies! But hey, so did our last one, and hey again, used trampoline is better than no trampoline, so you won’t hear me complain!… much… maybe… probably… kinda… sorta… a little… okay, now I’m just stalling for time to think of what else to say… Okay, I’m done thinking! Not only are the Andersons, who are pretty much the best family ever, coming over this week, but so are our long-lost other Navy family the Sanders, who are easily a very close second best family ever!!! I’m so psyched about this week! I can’t wait to splurge a bunch of my hard-earned cash on Moe Fatz ice cream with all my pals! Ciao!

E.A.

Happy 4th of July!

War is like the Special Olympics; no matter who wins, you’re still retarded. Be that as it may, however, war was the only way to liberate the American colonies fromthe tyranny of Great Britain. Winning the Revolutionary War was one thing; creating a whole new country was another thing entirely! But our founding fathers knew what they were doing, and for a short while, our growing, God-fearing country seemed to prosper.

Cue the 1900s’.

The United States of America slowly started falling into a state of sinful, chaotic self-destruction, notably starting with the Roaring ‘Twenties, which were the cause of the Great Depression. Since then, our country has started growing into a replica of the world power we severed our ties with through the Revolutionary War. It makes me wonder… will a new God-fearing country grow from this one, the same way we grew from England?

But enough about our nation’s downfall; this is supposed to be a holiday, a time of barbecues, patriotic country music (blech), water balloon fights, and my personal favorite, colorful explosions above our heads! With that, I wish you a Happy Independence Day and I leave to unify my planet of lion-people on Spore. Goodbye, and God bless America!

E.A.

VACATION!!!

Join me, if you will, as I wind the clock back to 11:30 A.M. on June 11, 2009. After bidding my beloved Wilby farewell and stuffing the van full of random objects that my mother insisted were vital to our survival over the course of our week long vacation, the family started our three hour journey to Richmond, VA. Fast forward about four hours, when we arrived at a snazzy lil’ suite with three TVs and three of the most uncomfortable beds my back has ever had the displeasure of resting upon.

So much for getting a good night’s sleep before taking the ACT.

I awoke at 6:30, A.M. on Saturday morning to take the ACT (sorry, I forget what ACT stands for) in Downtown Richmond at 8 A.M.. I don’t know how I did overall, but English was pretty easy, if I do say so myself. Hm, watch me get only, like, three of them correct after saying that. =/ After I finished around 12, we went shopping at Short Pump, a HUGE outdoor mall!

We left Richmond on Sunday morning and five hours later, we found ourselves in Myrtle Beach, SC. I’m not even going to try to describe how amazing the beach is, but maybe I’ll post a few pictures soon. Besides getting my shoulders sunburned into oblivion, I’ve also watched Terminator: Salvation (which was easily one of the best movies this year! I won’t bother reviewing it, though, considering it’s been out for a few weeks), stuffed myself at a gigantic buffet called The Original Captain Benjiman’s, and spent $83 on three cool new shirts, a new pair of shoes, a wicked awesome Star Wars poster, the second season of Star Trek: The Next Generation on DVD, souvenirs to give to friends, and the Across the Universe soundtrack (which I’ve listened to at least 8 times since its purchase). Oh, and watched more than my fair share of TV. =D

We’re heading back home tomorrow morning, stopping to visit one of Mom’s cousins on the way. And we still haven’t used half of the random items that my mother insisted were vital to our survival over the course of our week long vacation.

E.A.